March, 6th 2010

March, 6th

15:39

I’m trashed))))))He-he))

It was cold at night (at six a.m., when I went to bed). It was impossible to get warm. But I was aware to the way it could be, while I was singing AUM, saturating body with energy of the Source and lifting the Fire up from Within. It’s still not enough strength for the fire from within to warm my body. But I do my best)))

I’m sneezing and having my throat sore.

I dreamed that I was eating something. But there wasn’t any hunger. So I do not eat anything. All’s going right. I hope to take juice away from my diet since 8^th day. If it is too early then on 14^th day for sure)))

I’m getting stronger in Samadhi experience. It’s easier to feel my body as the Universe body. Thanks to a Star guy’s settings. I’m grateful to him a lot)))

I’m telling to my body not to grow thin. My proportions suit me))) the whole point is to set the fire from within so hard to make the body Mutate but not lose its weight)))))))

A thought struck me that if I can take food from the energy of the Source. It means I can take water from there too. I need only to switch over as it happened to food.

I’ll try)))

19:12

I danced to music and separated I AM from Individualized state of “I am”. It was possibly Impossible!!! More clearly I conscious – self-feel: I Am the Universe, energy… all and everything…

I understood that in time of the first experience “I AM” looked at Individualized state of “I am”. And in this case Individualized state of “I am” is looking at self-feeling “I AM”. I’m trying to understand how to deepen into I AM so much.

 Though it still glitches a good deal)))) First, an hour before sleeping I  am usually returned to individualized state of “I am” and body. And I feel my body tense. And a thought suddenly occurred: God, how does the body still function? All muscles are so pressured that I even feel pain. And then in an hour I am used to this condition. (After a kind of slight stroke my muscles are damaged and I can’t heal them yet)))

Right!!! It’s necessary to look from “I AM” at individualized “I am”… Then experience immediately strikes )) HURAY!!!(I wanted to write: “I thought up” and then understood it was ridiculous. What ‘I think up’ could be? My “I AM” always knew it)))))

21:02

I train myself on the parrot. I clean the Naive’s cage (Nymphicus hollandicus). And HE (my parrot) scares of these actions. And through I AM I touched his consciousness and gave an impulse that all was fine, and with golden shining filled him. It was so incredible. Now I’m sitting and looking at Naive. And touching it from inside I feel: This is my body… This entire world… - is my body… I fill this form with myself… Gosh… there now, it’s Inexpressible!!!)))))))

Though, I’m losing this feeling of  my body and individual Ego’s sensation. I start dropping everything, switching off just in the middle of any actions… which got so few already… because I Am this “I AM” that is ALL existence… and feel it’s necessary for the period of merging with Ego and all vasanas and samscaras’ destruction and burning have gone, then I’ll start to manifest “I AM”  Presence. And so far I grope how to manifest it and Samadhi leads me.

Now when I thank the Universe… I start laughing… ‘Cause it’s Me!! I thank myself…  And such a tenderness and Love arise that it’s impossible to articulate!!!!

Fears ascend and I live them through and then move to “I AM” to burn these imprints down. 

I’m trying to look at my Individualized state of “I am” from the position of I AM – it helps a lot!!!