2nd of March 2010 ( second day)

0:14 Samadhi has lasted since awakening till 6 p.m.

 I simply concentrated on heart, expanding it. And the tiny nirvana Samadhi happened... but was fuzzy and greased. However, it’s all possible!!! Then imperceptibly as it is I felt that all people, all living beings of this world were in my body… They were my body… This world was my body… And I was sooo big and this world was my body… And I was even biiiger … and everything was my body!!!! I was Completed... I – was all THIS!!! And this all was Me.

 0:29

Flash of Samadhi came. At first inflow of pleasure and laughter were. The body grew numb a bit, I felt giddy... Again from below the vibration and flash of the World body’s sensation surged. Yet softer and for a very short time interval it was.

 0:31

Was lasting …. Simultaneously I felt being in a small body and in a world body. The pleasure and ease were filling the small body as though between a small body and a world body the bridge was being adjusted… Merging was such… gradual))) I was trying not to get sticked, but simply felt… and listened to the music. Suddenly it became cold.

 13:40

At night during dreaming it was terribly cold to the body… the body itself was hot but icy from within!! Brrr)))) But as I woke up, the temperature normalized at once))
 I dreamed that I was sitting among a circle of guys with glasses and skis… I was to clink but my glass got broken.. to get up but my skis got broken.. I have crashed all my experience of perception completely!!
Self-feeling inside the body remained… now I’m going to the sea and will practice the concentration on it… that is now I have two points of perception… my individuality in the body and self-feeling of Me. 
It appears that self-feeling “I am” fills the small body and the entire world with life… for individuality to be able to play… as yet I understand it like this.

 Laughter

 20:32

Today I have been laughing nonstop for all day long. My  stomach began to ache and I got sick from laughter. Wherever you looked at there was Me everywhere!! So I neighed.
 Leslav said: I Love YOU!!
 And I hearing these pronouns was simply reveling with laughter. I looked at Leslav and neighed… roared with laughter. Because all of it  was Me!!!!!! 
Any pronouns caused such a wild laughter that it was simply weird)))

 - How  should I name you? --Leslav was kidding and I have rolled as roly-poly from laughter.
 I was getting deep in this new experience. To go by bus was unreal. I self-felt the road where the bus was going by, where my body was standing in. And it was difficult to keep balance concerning such triple structure. 
I will remind that it occurs not with consciousness or mind level... but at self-feeling and identification level as you feel yourselves as a body or mind or something else!
The majority of bindings has gone!!! Hurray!!!  We came up to the market where drunken persons were standing. I felt their bodies as mine, the alcohol in their blood and myself within… It was a sensation of love to myself!!!! I looked into their eyes and there was no fear, no disgust which were earlier (because of child's problems). 

Any claims to Leslav were gone too. What problems? Did we have any problems? Did I want to go away from him? Ммм.. It`s just incredible!!! No problems. Roar didn’t stop))))  All this was accompanied by dizziness and strengthened heartbeat. I  didn`t want to eat.

 This feeling was turned off and on all the time. It was ridiculous when I felt how I went down the  myself (I was going down the road). The Big Scary Bean has occurred already at home. When I looked at Leslav and self-felt  that he is “I AM”!! I kissed myself, touched myself… caressed myself … and a part of individual “ME” shouted: - Am I psycho!!!!! But I clearly remembered that in superior societies everybody self-felt each other this way. 
Then I simply began to flow towards this feeling and tried to relax. Self-feeling the Leslav as myself I understood how more tenderness was shown, more love flew to him through me – after all He is Me*!!!!! 

All this experience very emptily renders in words!!!! 

Leslav asked what I had taken out from this experience, and I answered: I Am!!! I am always and everywhere and Everything is ME!! The man’s problem is whom they realize themselves within. But it is written everywhere, in each treatise!!! 

And going through self-asking it’s important to become Self-Feeling “ I AM”.
Now, there is resistance to individual “I am”. Sometimes the head aches, all body strains. And this part speaks: I Am!!!!

 And I say to it:
 - I Am!!!
I have allowed this part of me to live my experience. It agreed that this was exactly what it propagandized. But it is difficult for this part of me to release all that has been gained for years. I told this part, that we would lose nothing. After all We are the ONE =“ I AM”! AND I AM!!! I Am everywhere and beyond time!! 

And I start to notice that it is reduced to several simple phrases. And these phrases are well known. They need just to be lived within body!
Samadhi has begun on the 2nd of March, since the moment of awakening and till 6 in the evening, and then my individuality has started to come back. And here it is unreal experience.
About 6 hours I lived Samadhi within completely, feeling the whole world as myself (my body), and in 6 hours sharply became the divided being.
Leslav and I have found the problem. And it was very difficult for me to solve it, because only part of problems and prints  has burned down at the first Samadhi. The others remained. And when I was returned to the point of  Individual “I am” awareness. The rage, insult, irritation and alienation went on at once. (The deeper into Samadhi, the stronger Individualized “I am” was torn off)  

And 6 hours before, I was walking on the beach, had fun and took photos and made two videoclips – there was a Pleasure, rest, ease, joy, no problems, only laughter. The laughter and once again laughter… this feeling that Everything is I AM pleasantly tickled!
And I asked the Higher Masters: Return me to the state “I Am”, please. They told me: You need something to understand. Then they suggested to sink into Samadhi for a couple of minutes and to return. But I refused. If to solve a problem, I want o do it now! No breaks. And we have solved it. Mentors have prompted, saying:  Look into yourself. Look at What you don’t want to see.
And I saw it clearly. A problem was solved, we came to general conclusion how to be and, then I returned to a condition of Samadhi again, but to very easy and superficial. The body was tired from laughter and in general from this instability in states))
The greatest thing: while I was in Samadhi, I walked and laughed, as if I had been connected to… or rather to say was the powerful Electric generator by myself. And when I was returned to Individualized state of “ I AM”, it was like almost all energy left and I became empty and light.

 By the way, when we have found my part which tried to take control – because of this  part my  Individual  state “I am” got so strongly used into consciousness, I went out into Samadhi. I was saying to this part:
- Control everything you want to with pleasure!  

And it started and tried, but as  my self-feeling of “ I AM”  wasn't in this Individualized state Me, it only grasped emptiness with hands. And I smiled and watched it.
Actually control is illusion, as well as Individualized “I am”.