March, 5th

Kundalini Osho 

March, 5th

16:03

I have slept all day long, ‘cause my body was icy like don’t know what))) It was impossible to get warm. My feet are still icy now in two pairs of the warmest wool socks)))))

I’m starting to wait for the first crisis. 5 days without food, after all)))

Samadhi moved to the level of feeling energy in everything. Now, it takes me only to start dancing to feel it within. Or, I move the beaming point to the center of the world and feel the world as my body. But still it’s necessary to deepen. I wish to deepen it so, that other samscaras and vasanas will burn down. But the thing that I have stopped being afraid of people and drunk one, completely - helped greatly!! I had tried to work it out for all my life, but failed. And now, for  one moment it has happened and here you are – I am free from fears of these!!

23:15

I went to Les’ workplace. I had much fun there. To play tennis again, it is so cool!!! On my way to Leslav, I deepened Samadhi experience. However it got deepened by itself on the way back home. 

“ I was going to Les”

I was going by bus and looking at people. YES! SAMADHI is astonishing thing!!! I advise it to EVERYBODY!!! Try it!!! 

Now, I switch over to self-feeling of “I AM” state much easier. It cheers me up. Any fear is vanishing!!! If I adjusted myself good, there were no thoughts at all. Just self-feeling of “I AM”!!

So...

People were sitting and so did I. And everybody had as if a holographic sphere in front of their faces coming out of their heads. This was individualized state of “I AM” as it is. Then I understood that this Individualized state of “I AM” is directed neither outside nor inside but to nonexistent space (past-future). Gosh… to read and understand it by brain is one thing, but quite different is to self-feel it. (I understood it already, when I tried to sense some wise phrases by body with Empathy) Now any thoughts in head about self-feeling of “I AM” are  phrases from different wise treatises. Anyway, it makes me roar. It`s easy to say it, but gives no idea for how to self-feel It by yourself! (Zen says to relax, become natural and be Here and Now.  I think this is the only condition for “everything” to  happen by itself).

So, I self-felt one thing, formed it, not so clear as I felt - deepened, and the phrase was built by itself.

The individualized state of “I AM” considers itself the character in which “I AM” plays.

The character doesn’t exist. As the shadow on the wall is just the reflection of a real hand. 

I wrote down this insight and understood that I had just said exactly the same, that had been said before me in hundreds of treatises. Nothing new!!! But for me it became a part of Life and feeling myself as I Am.

It`s like a little child is shown a farfetched bear or cat with a glove. The glove is an Individualized state of “I AM” that considers itself as a Bear or a cat, a human being etc… but in fact the Hand rules (I Am).

At Les’s place we played tennis, gave hugs and drank a hundred percent juice from concentrate)) he-he)))

No hunger))))

On the way home in a taxi with a player in my ears Samadhi sharply deepened in a new kind for me. And I realized and felt – Body and feelings – are the easiest and straightest way to Liberation! (Of course words are insignificant… experience – is everything!!)

This actually is an incomparable pleasure and bliss. Neither orgasm (I mean energetic orgasm, tantric for those who get it easier this way), nor joy, nor feel of happiness… well daaamn, I don’t know… well nothing compares with this feeling. And I realize, it is just the beginning!!! This is so… so… impossible for me to transfer it into words.

Every part of you flames with bright light.

You – are the world without boundaries and limits.

You are Me, there is nothing bigger beyond all things.

You are Me, there is nothing to be changed.

You – are milliards of the Sunlights.

I  am - the Sunlights’ nuclear.

The real fool,

Who divides and integrates all to One!

There are neither you, nor world nor me.

I AM Everything within and  beyond time!

I wish I could express it with words… but even poetry is off the way to show this feeling. And that is… ahrrr… I wish to blow up with milliards of sunlight spots  to everybody, who will read it, for their chance to feel this “I AM” state within!  

Feelings and body – are the easiest and simplest way to Liberation.

It’s impossible to feel the Energy in space and matter by thoughts or emotions … but Feelings!!!

 And feelings are possible while there is the Body. Body – is a key to all.   Now I understand those gurus who says: Birth is a key to Liberation!

Music… that is through what I will express what I feel... what is “I AM”.  Music, poems, pictures!!! A new stage of.. Being!!!!

Although, there is nothing to do being in this state. Exactly NOTHING. To be is already ALL that can be done!!!

I can express  it with these phrases:

There is no greater predestination then to Be “I AM”.

There is nothing but “I AM”.

I am All existence!

All of these stuff I have experienced today!!! It’s a splendid world!!! I Am this WORLD!!!

All will go ruin and collapse… but I Am Everything and beyond time!! I – Am All that Is!  

 P.S.

When I am next to people, like magnet, I am drawn to the Source inside Me! And people’s magnets start to drive to the Source within them. And if I open up and get to the very Source, they get to the blocks that cover the Source from them. That’s why since childhood the Power within my body has called others’ all Shit to come out. I had to live through a lot for that. But now I sharply see with Leslav how it works!